so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
