im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
