..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
