You're so nebulous sometimes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Houston, we have a squirter
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
