So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
