yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
