I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's always time for handjobs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
