im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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