they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
