Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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