She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hippo gnu deer
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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