dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
