Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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