I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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