I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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