Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
