It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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