I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
