There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
