but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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