chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
