We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
