Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
