i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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