just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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