she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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