Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
