dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
