"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
