drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
