I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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