sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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