Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
