apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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