Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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