She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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