I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
