is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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