I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
