loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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