Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
