please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
