What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize