watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
