maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize