dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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