eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
