Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
