I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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