paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
