sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
