Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
