My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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