Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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