It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
