does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
