hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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