also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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