I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
