She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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