I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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