Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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