i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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