Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
