I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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