How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
