you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
