I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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