going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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