apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
