Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
