Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
