Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
