Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
