i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
