dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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