shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
