i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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