Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have fence marks all over my body
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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