I hope mine doesn't look like that
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
