I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
