Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
