LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
