I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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