Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize