Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
