my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
