I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You are the jesus of drinking
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize