i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
