You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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