I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
