We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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