I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
