The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
