You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
