So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
