dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
