i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
