so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
