R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
