9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
