Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
