We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
